I will stay true to my name just as I am trying to stay true to myself. My name is Aurora. It has taken me so long to sit down and write my story because I am still unsure of where it all started really.
Whether it started when I lost my virginity at 14, or if it started when my curiosity did.
See I didn’t have parents that hushed things away to keep me from growing up. I had my mother, which to keep me safe, taught me about my body; what it did and how it did it at a very young age. I was 5 when I learned that sex was when a man and woman intertwined, that it feels good, and that a baby can come from all this. She even taught me how the baby is formed and showed me all the stages of development. Now don’t get me wrong, I had never even been told stories of a stork bringing a baby to your doorstep. I am so thankful that my mother told me about everything and I was defiantly happy being the youngest kid I knew who had seen the truth. But not being ignorant did not stop me. I wanted to know more. I wanted to know how it felt. Now I’m not saying I went out at 5 and tried to have sex, or that I would even talk to anyone about it.
I had a lot of friends on the block, and I had a lot of sleepovers, and without ever exchanging words about sexual conduct I would coax my girlfriends to experiment with me. Scissoring, kissing with tongues, and rubbing up on each other became a midnight secret between me and my friends for many years. Always sneaking around, and our curiosity for more, I began to feel ashamed of what I was doing and eventually myself.
Around age 9 I was caught by my friends mother. I was kissing her daughter while she laid over me, I had never been so embarrassed in my life and I kept praying to myself that she wouldn’t say anything to my mother in the morning. It paid off, my mother never found out. And I became so disgusted with myself and I hid everything away. When my friends would tap on my shoulder to ‘play’ I would turn a cold shoulder. Now that wasn’t always the case, but now anytime I had met anyone new that part of my life stayed ‘private’.
Even thought my first experiences were with females I was still attracted to the opposite sex. And when I was 13 I had my first experience with one. Then when I was 14 I lost my virginity. I think my age had a large role in how much was added to my disgust with myself.
I went through a lot in a short period of time after that. And a lot of self hatred as well.
But now I am a mother to the most beautiful girl, and it seems that her birth has been my transformation. I have gone from self loathing to self loving just seeing what beauty being a woman really can be. Not only did giving birth to my daughter change my outlook on myself but it transformed my body as well. And seeing my new vulva has led me to love my past vulva as well and all the things that came with it.
Being a woman and being capable of the most beautiful thing in life, creating it, is a gift. Cherish it, worship your body, love yourself and let yourself love you.