Project1

 

Story of my Vulva started to be written relatively late in my life, when I entered my 30′s. Before that time I considered that “secret part of my body” as something which exist, which I can feel, touch and enjoy however I was never interested how my Vulva actually looks like. When I got pregnant for the first time, I have started to realize that I saw my body through totally different lenses, including the view of my precious vagina. On one hand I was proud that I carry a new life inside me, on the other hand I wasn’t sure of myself that I would be able to cooperate effectively with my body during a childbirth. I was subconsciously worried that there will be done a damage to my vagina and that nothing will be the same as before. I was worried that making love might not be so pleasurable anymore or that I will suffer of an urinary incontinence due to a childbirth. Those thoughts were hidden very deep in my head, I was not able to talk about them and share my worries even with the most beloved person with whom I was expecting the baby. I have tried to convince myself that the Nature knows the best and that a Miracle will help me to cope with it bravely when the time comes. Luckily women “happy” hormones worked perfectly well for me, so the delivery of my first baby was a good and emotionally powerful experience. I felt so overexcited that I forgot about my worries immediately. When I was expecting my second child, I had no doubts at all. I felt sexy and strong, I believed myself and the wonderful ability of women to give a birth to a new life. Even though my second delivery was easier and quicker than the first one, there were some problems at the very end and they had to cut-in the entry of my vagina to deliver the baby safely (episiotomy). Then they sew it and I had a big scar there which did not heal well. I suddenly felt embarassed and disappointed that my Vagina betrayed me. And all my worries came back to me, especially that I will not enjoy the sex life anymore. Nevertheless, that was probably the first time in my life when I decided to have a look and examine the “secret part of my body”. I was not happy about what I have seen though. I didn’t like my Vulva at all and the bloody scar around it. I cried secretly a few times because of that. At this time I have shared my feelings with my beloved man. He tried to calm me down and reassure me that everything will be ok. He always made me feel special, but this time he tried to make feel special my beloved vagina which was in physical and emotional pain because I’ve refused her to love. A year after that experience, I bumped into VulvaLoveLovely site. At the beginning I didn’t know what to think about it. Maybe I felt a bit embarrassed, I did not understand what was the point of it.  My natural curiosity made me follow the work of VulvaLoveLovely and at some point I have found out that I felt in love with the stylization pictures of Vulva –  flowers, Queens, mythological and biblical female personalities…etc. The more art pieces of Vulva I’ve seen, the more I felt a desire to have my own Vulva Portrait done. But this time with no stylization. Just the way she looks like. I wanted to learn to admire her again. In her natural shapes. With a cured scar dug into my body. Because in my eyes, she has slowly but surely become a wonderful flower which I have never seen before in my life…

 

-Marjane butterflies